Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
