We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
