My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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