Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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