Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
