Your dad touched me again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
