You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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