dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
