i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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