Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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