I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
