I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
