I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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