I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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