OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
