Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
