Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
