He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
