I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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