every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
