Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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