He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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