the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
