Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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