tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize