He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
