been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize