you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
