I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Panties = found
Randomize
