Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
