In America we eat man semen.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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