Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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