so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
