I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
