I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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