You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
wow bdsm is so cute
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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