I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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