today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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