i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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