ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
