Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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