Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
