I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
