I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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