I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
