I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
