just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
