Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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