She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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