Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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