I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
