woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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