Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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