Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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