was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
