Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
