Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dick has a subreddit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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