I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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