his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
