This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
