Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
