She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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